When it comes to so-called Western Civilization, there is not much in the United States older than several hundred years. Across the pond in Europe there is a lot of stuff well over several thousand years old. Sure, there were plenty of early people in both the United States and Europe long before Western Civilization showed up. That's not the point here.

When we arrived in England we hardly noticed the London fog as we were stumbling around in one of our own - terminal jet lag. Our hotel in the Westminster district was right next to Victoria Station and only a short stroll to Buckingham Palace. The hotel has been there for quite a while.

We were given the keys to our room and detailed instructions on how to find it. The Brits speak excellent English! We went to an alcove where there was a bank of "lifts", elevators to us. We took the "lift " to the fourth floor, around a corner, down a corridor, around a massive four-story stair well into another alcove with a rickety little "lift" that holds only two people. The other elevators did not go to the sixth floor.

Up on the sixth floor we went around another corner and down a long corridor then another one and finally found our room. The whole time we were in London, I never went to and from our room alone. I was afraid I would never find my way again! I heard about a St. Bernard dog who had been lost up there for five years.

After sleeping off the jet lag, we found ourselves in the elegant dining room to feast on a sumptuous buffet breakfast. Amidst the delectable array of food I found a tray of sliced brown bread about three inches in diameter and a half-inch thick. I slathered it with butter and took a bite. I was surprised to find it was not brown bread but had a spicy taste and texture somewhat like sausage. As I munched on it trying to identify it, I thought, I had better get this down before I figure out what it is. When the waiter came around I asked him if it was blood pudding. Yep! It was!

One of the places my husband had always wanted to see was Greenwich where time begins, or at least, the time zones do. We took one of the famous double-decker buses the forty some miles to Greenwich so we had a chance to see much of the city and countryside around London.

The Cutty Sark is a huge old sailing vessel docked in Greenwich. The only Cutty Sark I had ever heard of before is Scotch. We have pictures of our feet, one on either side of the Greenwich Mean Time Line. (Years ago we took pictures, sitting on the concrete slab of "Four Corners" where the states of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona come together. We are big on touristy nonsense like that.)

Back in the city we visited the Tower of London, which was another surprise. The site where so many famous historical figures were imprisoned or got their heads lopped off is something less than my idea of a tower. It is no more than three or four stories high. Parts of it are round like a tower though. The Beefeater Guards there are all decked out in their colorful uniforms, a delight to see.

A trip to the Ladies' Room revealed paper very much like wax paper. Curious but functional. Before it is assumed that I am fixated on bodily functions, I feel it is incumbent on somebody to inform the traveling public, especially women, on such mundane matters. I have never seen a guidebook spell out anything along those lines.

While I am on the subject, it might be worthwhile to shed a little light on basic bathroom facilities in Europe. They don't all work the same. Sometimes there is a button on top of the tank to push down to flush. Sometimes you pull up on the button. Sometimes there is a chain to pull. On a train in Germany there was a foot pedal to step on to flush as well as a foot pedal to turn on the water in the basin. Sometimes there are signs telling you how things work, not necessarily in English. Other times you just have to figure it out by yourself and hope for the best.

As you can see, a visit to the rest room can be a lesson in ingenuity. Furthermore, for reasons I don't understand, many of the hotels in Europe do not provide washcloths. At least none of the hotels had them where we stayed in London, Paris, Lisbon and Rome. Possibly other hotels do. There are hand towels and bath towels but no washcloths. So if you require a daily washcloth, as I do, perhaps you should bring your own and zip-loc bags to keep them in.

Our last night in London was spent on a dinner cruise on the River Thames. It was daylight when we boarded so we sailed along under the bridges watching the sights on the banks of the river. We had a lovely dinner with our friends and watched the lights of the city come on at night on our way back. It was a very tranquil evening.

The next day we embarked at the White Cliffs of Dover to cruise the North and Baltic Seas to Scandinavia and St. Petersburg, Russia. The Scandinavian countries are spotlessly clean, brightly painted, with colorful annual flowerbeds and window boxes in summertime. I consider Finland and Estonia Scandinavian because they give the same impression as Norway, Sweden and Denmark. The people have a delicious sense of humor.

Our first port of call was Oslo, Norway. We visited an enormous sculpture park displaying the works of Gustav Vigeland. I rank him right up there with Michelangelo! Vigeland lived in the twentieth century, working in every medium; bronze, granite and wrought iron. We did not have time to see the museum housing his drawings, woodcuts and carvings. I want to go back!

The park spreads over I don't know how many acres of walkways, beds of flowers, a bridge and a huge fountain. At the top of sprawling steps of three terraces is the Monolith Plateau. The Monolith is a column of figures carved from a single piece of stone some fifty-five feet high. It depicts one hundred twenty one human figures at triple life-size scale. Throughout the park are larger than life-sized figures of men, women and children in all stages of life from a baby in the womb, through old age and even death.

The most famous piece is that of a little boy about two years old maybe, throwing a temper tantrum. His face is contorted into an angry screech. His fists are clenched and his whole body is tensed in fury as he stamps his bare foot.

Then there is a playful mother on all fours with two small children on her back riding horsey. The children are using long braids of her hair for reins. A father holds his child in his arms while the little one has his arms tight around his daddy's neck. A grandfather looks down, patiently holding the hand of his grandson as the little boy looks up at grandpa with adoration. All of these lifelike figures sculpted in stone are remarkable in expressing emotions immediately identifiable.

The most touching work of all is the self-sculpture of Vigeland with his wife. Their bodies are old. They are seated, gazing into each other's eyes with the calm devotion that comes only after many, many years of shared experience.

Back on the ship. The lighting in the bathroom of our cabin was a little too good. Every time I looked in the mirror I thought, my God, a short time in Europe and I have aged twenty years!

The tour bus in Arhus, Denmark had big red letters on the side that read Djurs Turistfart. I don't speak Danish, however I think I got the meaning.

Our bus driver became lost in the woods in the Highland Lakes of Denmark so I don't know exactly where all we went. Neither did he! Eventually we wound up at the Himmelbjerget Hotel and Restaurant. Now you haven't lived until you have had a real Danish and coffee in Denmark!

The Silkborg Museum houses the 2000-year-old "Tollman Man" , a mummified body found in a peat bog in 1952. (Not to be confused with the Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner routine.) I thought, well, the "Tollman Man" could be propped up in front of our ship's bathroom mirror, slap a little makeup on him and he wouldn't look a day over one thousand!

Stockholm, Sweden, known as the "Venice of the North", sprawls all over islands and the mainland. I don't know what it is about the Scandinavian climate that produces such titans of sculpture. Milles' Garden was the home of Carl and Olga Milles. The house and gardens display their fine collection of art objects as well as original works.

"The Little Money Maker" is a small bronze figure about a foot high. He is wearing a real yellow and blue knit cap. For luck, you take off the cap, rub his head, put the cap back on and leave money. Everyone who sees it does it. It works for the museum! I wondered who knits those tiny little caps. I imagine they wear out pretty frequently.

Leaving Stockholm in the afternoon, our ship wound its way through the intricate waterways of the archipelago, (in Swedish, skargarden). Milles' masterwork is situated in the Stockholm Harbor. It is a monument entitled "God the Father on the Rainbow." A rainbow is arched roughly eighty feet high with God the Father up there on top, tossing out the stars into the heavens. A little angel is sitting at the base of the rainbow, scratching a mosquito bite with one hand. With the other hand he is pitching the stars one by one up there to God the Father.

The Temppeliaukio Church in a square near the center of Helsinki, Finland is a marvel of creative architecture. It was quarried right out of the stone of the rock formation in the square. "Man puts his hand to the flinty rock, and overturns mountains by the roots. He cuts out channels in the rocks and his eye sees every precious thing." A quote from the book of Job in the Bible.

To paraphrase the New Testament, the Finnish people literally built their church on a rock. The church will seat 750 people. In front of the altar is space for an orchestra. A massive organ has over 3000 pipes. The quarried surfaces of the walls have been left rough with drill marks to show how the work was done. Different colored formations of stone enhance the beauty of the rocks. Water runs from cracks in the face of the walls into covered drains in the rock floor. The roof is a dome of copper. There are no bells. The altar can be seen through glass doors at street level. The reverent atmosphere of the church is one of warmth and serenity.

The monument to Jan Sibelius, Finland's most celebrated composer, stands in a treasured little park in Helsinki. It was cast in metal by Eila Hiltunen in 1967; a distinctive work of contemporary art. The monument appears to be an abstract mass of organ pipes made of gleaming aluminum or stainless steel. A fitting tribute to the genius of Sibelius.

Shopping in Helsinki exhibits all manner of skiwear and wool sweaters with beautiful geometric designs. My favorite purchase though is a refrigerator magnet of a mosquito that says, "Send more tourists! Any blood type will do!"

The tour bus had the black and white letters FinnBus painted on the side. The unisex rest room inside had a sign dear to the hearts of all women. It portrays a red stylized pig standing in front of a blue and white toilet fixture. He is splashing all over the place! A big black X crosses out that scene. Next to the pig is a black penguin in his tuxedo sitting primly on a similar fixture with a top hat on his head.

I think the Finns have stumbled onto a brilliant idea!